Is God Dead...?

Aaron was a very sincere seminarian, who strongly believed in God and inspired many of his friends in various ways. He was known for his deep sense of commitment and always volunteered to help others in need. He loved to be in the company of his friends and they in turn wanted to always remain in his lively company. He was very radical in his thinking and raised so many questions in class that at times his professors found it difficult to answer him. He made his other friends in the class to ponder over various issues in life, especially the way of life they had chosen- to follow Christ. Then, suddenly he changed. He gradually started to avoid his friends and became very introvert. Nonetheless he remained radical in his approach but became aware that he was being avoided by others.

No one knows what happened to him. Aaron was in his second year of Theology and within a year and a half he was to be ordained. All of a sudden, Aaron decided to quit the way of life that he had freely chosen with deep faith in God- whom Aaron considered as his everything in life.  And, of course he had his own reasons for that. He had started to ask, “Why me O God?” and had no way out. He strongly felt that his prayers were not answered and that was the beginning of a different Aaron. He refused to meet his spiritual director. He spent most of his time alone and eventually he started to rethink his vocation- which he had once felt was a true call from God Himself.

After spending almost four months in his own world, he took a brave step. “Let me go and meet my spiritual director” he said to himself and decided to head on to his spiritual director’s place. Unlike the other seminarians, who chose spiritual fathers in their own premises, Aaron was very different and radical in choosing his spiritual director too. Instead of the regular spiritual father, amidst much opposition from the higher- ups, he chose to have a spiritual mother. Yes, He had chosen a religious nun as his spiritual mother and confided in her more than in anyone else. Having decided to meet his spiritual mother, he took his bicycle and started to pedal towards her house in the nearby slum. After a ten minute ride, he neared the small hut, where she lived. Even before he could reach her hut, there she was outside with extended hands to welcome her prodigal son, who hadn’t turned up for the spiritual direction for a long time.

Sr. Vidya was a nun who had embraced Christianity after being a practicing Hindu for seventeen long years. She willingly sought baptism as she had been very much inspired by Jesus Christ and His teachings- specially His invitation to fight for justice and peace in the world. Later she joined a congregation and specialized in feminist Theology. She always chose to be different and Aaron was very much inspired by her way of life in the slum with poor people. It was her struggle for Justice in an unjust social order, her radical feminist theological approach and her down-to-earth attitude towards religious life that inspired Aaron to choose her as his spiritual mother. Sr. Vidya was strongly convinced that the mission of a nun is not to arrange altars and teach catechism (as it was considered by many), but rather to fight for justice and she strongly told others that she was called to such prophetic living by her master Jesus Christ. Since she lived in a slum with the poor, she was able to witness Christ in many ways. Many of the theology students used to admire the courage and conviction of Sr. Vidya but none had chosen this nun as spiritual mother except Aaron who dared to be different. Now that Aaron had come for spiritual direction, Sr. Vidya asked him to be seated and she sat on the floor facing him.

“What happened my son? I see a lot of difference in you. You are not as you were!” asked Sr. Vidya. Words could not come out of his mouth as he started to shed tears. His tears communicated strongly to his spiritual mother as she looked deeply into his eyes. She then moved close to him and wiped away some tears with the edge of her sari, with which she had kept her head covered. This was unusual for her. She was against women covering the head and Aaron had observed this but didn’t know why she had done it.

Still with tears welling in his eyes, he looked at her and asked, “Mother, Is God Dead?”

“Aaron...What are you asking?” exclaimed Sr. Vidya without being able to digest his unexpected question.

“Yes. He is dead. He is no more alive.” Aaron continued, “Why then...did He take away my mother..?”

“What are you saying Aaron..?”

“Yes, my mother was a very pious lady, who always believed in God. But she is no more!”

“But I can’t believe it, when did...?.”

“Four months ago...” and Aaron shouted aloud. “Why does this happen to me? Don’t you know that I am a very God-fearing spiritual son of yours?”

Sr. Vidya didn’t have any other words at this crucial time to answer his question except to listen to him patiently and she decided to do that. As Sr. Vidya gazed lovingly into Aaron’s tearful eyes, he began to speak again brushing his tears aside, “I thought I could become a prophetic voice. But no more. Mother, I don’t want to be a priest I have started to rethink my vocation. I don’t think that there is any God. And moreover I don’t want to serve a God who doesn’t answer my prayers.” Again Aaron started to weep but immediately controlled himself and asked his spiritual mother, “Mother, answer me...at least you answer me, if not that unseen God.”

After a minute or two, wiping off her own tears, she said, “Why son...why did you wait so long to meet me? Why didn’t you spend some time in the company of your own fellows?”

“No, mother. Who would be ready to listen to me?” he asked her with disgust.

“Why not your close friend, George?”

Again Aaron’s eyes filled with tears, “He is not anymore in the seminary!”

“Why...what happened to him?” she asked in shock.

“Mother...my friend...My only close friend is in the hospital suffering from incurable cancer. Answer me, mother...why?” he couldn’t hold back a sob.

Unwilling to answer, she asked, “What about the others in the seminary?”

“Everyone is in his own private world,” he continued. “Gone are the days when we spent time in recreation. Everyone is busy facing with Facebook and checking email and never did I find anyone to listen to my agony. Just the same old response from everyone, “What happened to your mother, Aaron? As if they didn’t know” and I had to repeat the same thing to everyone. For the past four months, I lived in loneliness and utter depression until I met you. No one in my seminary sheds tears for my mother except me. Mother, you know... we don’t even shed tears when our community members die and how can I expect them to shed tears for my mother.”

As she listened to him silently, Aaron started again, “Mother...I guess...Once we join the seminary we gradually forget the importance of being more human and begin to seek to have more- power and things!. We take priesthood as a license to rule over the faithful. Look at my own companions. They are very nice now but once they are ordained their life will be completely changed. And I fear that I might end up in the same way.”

“My son, at the start of this call for New Evangelization, I always had a strong hope that you would become a different priest, who would bring a new world order full of peace, justice and equality,” began Sr. Vidya, “I also thought, given to your simple and humble nature, you would get along well with the laity and build a true Christian Community one envisioned by Our Lord Jesus.”

“No mother, I have somehow developed a different attitude towards priests,” replied Aaron. “They only want to lord it over others and they, who are suppose to be the living witnesses of Christ, become more power- and- possession- oriented than service oriented. Yet they preach from the pulpit there is a God, who humbled Himself and took human form but seldom do they treat their fellow humans, especially servants, with dignity. They run educational institutions and most of the time, they use it as a means to make money. There are many injustices happening; yet how many priests really and genuinely fight for the people? How can I believe that there really is a God who sees all these yet remains silent? And how can I...”

“Wait...Aaron Stop there” interrupted Sr. Vidya even before he could finish. “What happened to you? Why are you so pessimistic? Have you forgotten the umpteen good works of many priests and religious? My son, you are not the Aaron, whom I met last year. Why have you started doubting your faith- the essence of your existence?”

“Mother, I am not saying something in the air.” Aaron remonstrated, “I am facing facts as they are.”  

At this, his spiritual mother intervened, “Aaron, have you forgotten, there is more to seeing than what meets the eyes? My son, you are right in stating all this as the reality but it is not the only reality. Have you forgotten that you were brought up because of the generosity of a simple priest, a priest-worker? And now you have started to question the existence of God, as if God were to find delight in your suffering.”

“What do you mean mother?” asked Aaron now confused.

“My son, God is not dead as you think. This is not the time to rethink your vocation but rather to rethink your understanding of God. May be its too late but no worry...Better late than never. God is very much alive, dear son. And certainly God cannot work miracles without human collaboration. Everyone on this earth needs to collaborate with God. And God is very much alive and active in the struggles and joys of the whole humanity and the entire cosmos. Have you forgotten dear Aaron that we need to take a certain amount of reasonable risk in life?”

As she said this to him, he looked up at the mud wall and there he found the photo of his spiritual mother’s family. “You are not the only one, my son... You lost only your mother!” With tears she added, “I lost all my loved ones in an accident. And your close friend George is not the only one suffering from cancer.”  Saying this, she removed portion of the sari that had covered her head, and there he found almost all hair lost- an obvious sign of a cancer patient.

“Mother even after all this, how are you able to believe in God?” asked Aaron with a deep awe. “Faith my son...Faith” came the words of reply. “In this year of faith, can you say God is dead?”

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