Aaron was a very
sincere seminarian, who strongly believed in God and inspired many of his
friends in various ways. He was known for his deep sense of commitment and
always volunteered to help others in need. He loved to be in the company of his
friends and they in turn wanted to always remain in his lively company. He was
very radical in his thinking and raised so many questions in class that at
times his professors found it difficult to answer him. He made his other
friends in the class to ponder over various issues in life, especially the way
of life they had chosen- to follow Christ. Then, suddenly he changed. He gradually
started to avoid his friends and became very introvert. Nonetheless he remained
radical in his approach but became aware that he was being avoided by others.
No one knows what
happened to him. Aaron was in his second year of Theology and within a year and
a half he was to be ordained. All of a sudden, Aaron decided to quit the way of
life that he had freely chosen with deep faith in God- whom Aaron considered as
his everything in life. And, of course
he had his own reasons for that. He had started to ask, “Why me O God?” and had
no way out. He strongly felt that his prayers were not answered and that was
the beginning of a different Aaron. He refused to meet his spiritual director.
He spent most of his time alone and eventually he started to rethink his
vocation- which he had once felt was a true call from God Himself.
After spending
almost four months in his own world, he took a brave step. “Let me go and meet
my spiritual director” he said to himself and decided to head on to his
spiritual director’s place. Unlike the other seminarians, who chose spiritual
fathers in their own premises, Aaron was very different and radical in choosing
his spiritual director too. Instead of the regular spiritual father, amidst
much opposition from the higher- ups, he chose to have a spiritual mother. Yes,
He had chosen a religious nun as his spiritual mother and confided in her more than
in anyone else. Having decided to meet his spiritual mother, he took his
bicycle and started to pedal towards her house in the nearby slum. After a ten minute
ride, he neared the small hut, where she lived. Even before he could reach her
hut, there she was outside with extended hands to welcome her prodigal son, who
hadn’t turned up for the spiritual direction for a long time.
Sr. Vidya was a
nun who had embraced Christianity after being a practicing Hindu for seventeen
long years. She willingly sought baptism as she had been very much inspired by
Jesus Christ and His teachings- specially His invitation to fight for justice
and peace in the world. Later she joined a congregation and specialized in
feminist Theology. She always chose to be different and Aaron was very much
inspired by her way of life in the slum with poor people. It was her struggle
for Justice in an unjust social order, her radical feminist theological
approach and her down-to-earth attitude towards religious life that inspired
Aaron to choose her as his spiritual mother. Sr. Vidya was strongly convinced
that the mission of a nun is not to arrange altars and teach catechism (as it
was considered by many), but rather to fight for justice and she strongly told
others that she was called to such prophetic living by her master Jesus Christ.
Since she lived in a slum with the poor, she was able to witness Christ in many
ways. Many of the theology students used to admire the courage and conviction
of Sr. Vidya but none had chosen this nun as spiritual mother except Aaron who
dared to be different. Now that Aaron had come for spiritual direction, Sr.
Vidya asked him to be seated and she sat on the floor facing him.
“What happened
my son? I see a lot of difference in you. You are not as you were!” asked Sr.
Vidya. Words could not come out of his mouth as he started to shed tears. His
tears communicated strongly to his spiritual mother as she looked deeply into
his eyes. She then moved close to him and wiped away some tears with the edge
of her sari, with which she had kept her head covered. This was unusual for
her. She was against women covering the head and Aaron had observed this but didn’t
know why she had done it.
Still with tears
welling in his eyes, he looked at her and asked, “Mother, Is God Dead?”
“Aaron...What
are you asking?” exclaimed Sr. Vidya without being able to digest his
unexpected question.
“Yes. He is
dead. He is no more alive.” Aaron continued, “Why then...did He take away my
mother..?”
“What are you
saying Aaron..?”
“Yes, my mother
was a very pious lady, who always believed in God. But she is no more!”
“But I can’t
believe it, when did...?.”
“Four months ago...”
and Aaron shouted aloud. “Why does this happen to me? Don’t you know that I am a
very God-fearing spiritual son of yours?”
Sr. Vidya didn’t
have any other words at this crucial time to answer his question except to
listen to him patiently and she decided to do that. As Sr. Vidya gazed lovingly
into Aaron’s tearful eyes, he began to speak again brushing his tears aside, “I
thought I could become a prophetic voice. But no more. Mother, I don’t want to
be a priest I have started to rethink my vocation. I don’t think that there is any
God. And moreover I don’t want to serve a God who doesn’t answer my prayers.”
Again Aaron started to weep but immediately controlled himself and asked his
spiritual mother, “Mother, answer me...at least you answer me, if not
that unseen God.”
After a minute
or two, wiping off her own tears, she said, “Why son...why did you wait so long
to meet me? Why didn’t you spend some time in the company of your own fellows?”
“No, mother. Who
would be ready to listen to me?” he asked her with disgust.
“Why not your
close friend, George?”
Again Aaron’s
eyes filled with tears, “He is not anymore in the seminary!”
“Why...what
happened to him?” she asked in shock.
“Mother...my
friend...My only close friend is in the hospital suffering from incurable cancer.
Answer me, mother...why?” he couldn’t hold back a sob.
Unwilling to
answer, she asked, “What about the others in the seminary?”
“Everyone is in
his own private world,” he continued. “Gone are the days when we spent time in
recreation. Everyone is busy facing with Facebook and checking email and never
did I find anyone to listen to my agony. Just the same old response from
everyone, “What happened to your mother, Aaron? As if they didn’t know” and I
had to repeat the same thing to everyone. For the past four months, I lived in
loneliness and utter depression until I met you. No one in my seminary sheds
tears for my mother except me. Mother, you know... we don’t even shed tears
when our community members die and how can I expect them to shed tears for my
mother.”
As she listened
to him silently, Aaron started again, “Mother...I guess...Once we join the
seminary we gradually forget the importance of being more human and begin to seek
to have more- power and things!. We take priesthood as a license to rule
over the faithful. Look at my own companions. They are very nice now but once
they are ordained their life will be completely changed. And I fear that I
might end up in the same way.”
“My son, at the
start of this call for New Evangelization, I always had a strong hope that you
would become a different priest, who would bring a new world order full of
peace, justice and equality,” began Sr. Vidya, “I also thought, given to your
simple and humble nature, you would get along well with the laity and build a
true Christian Community one envisioned by Our Lord Jesus.”
“No mother, I
have somehow developed a different attitude towards priests,” replied Aaron. “They
only want to lord it over others and they, who are suppose to be the living
witnesses of Christ, become more power- and- possession- oriented than service
oriented. Yet they preach from the pulpit there is a God, who humbled Himself
and took human form but seldom do they treat their fellow humans, especially
servants, with dignity. They run educational institutions and most of the time,
they use it as a means to make money. There are many injustices happening; yet how
many priests really and genuinely fight for the people? How can I believe that
there really is a God who sees all these yet remains silent? And how can I...”
“Wait...Aaron Stop
there” interrupted Sr. Vidya even before he could finish. “What happened to
you? Why are you so pessimistic? Have you forgotten the umpteen good works of many
priests and religious? My son, you are not the Aaron, whom I met last year. Why
have you started doubting your faith- the essence of your existence?”
“Mother, I am
not saying something in the air.” Aaron remonstrated, “I am facing facts as
they are.”
At this, his
spiritual mother intervened, “Aaron, have you forgotten, there is more to
seeing than what meets the eyes? My son, you are right in stating all this as
the reality but it is not the only reality. Have you forgotten that you
were brought up because of the generosity of a simple priest, a priest-worker?
And now you have started to question the existence of God, as if God were to find
delight in your suffering.”
“What do you
mean mother?” asked Aaron now confused.
“My son, God is
not dead as you think. This is not the time to rethink your vocation but rather
to rethink your understanding of God. May be its too late but no worry...Better
late than never. God is very much alive, dear son. And certainly God cannot work
miracles without human collaboration. Everyone on this earth needs to
collaborate with God. And God is very much alive and active in the struggles
and joys of the whole humanity and the entire cosmos. Have you forgotten dear
Aaron that we need to take a certain amount of reasonable risk in life?”
As she said this
to him, he looked up at the mud wall and there he found the photo of his
spiritual mother’s family. “You are not the only one, my son... You lost only
your mother!” With tears she added, “I lost all my loved ones in an accident.
And your close friend George is not the only one suffering from cancer.” Saying this, she removed portion of the sari
that had covered her head, and there he found almost all hair lost- an obvious
sign of a cancer patient.
“Mother even
after all this, how are you able to believe in God?” asked Aaron with a deep awe.
“Faith my son...Faith” came the words of reply. “In this year of faith, can you
say God is dead?”
*****************
